The Matter Of Trust
by whitecrossgirl
Summary: Spoilers for 5x01. Gwen contemplates the decision she made regarding Sefa as well as the concept of trust


**AN: This contains spoilers for 5x01 so if you don't want to know what happened, you'd best use that back button there. In my opinion, it was epic and I love that we're seeing a stronger, smarter take-no-crap queen and I wanted to do this introspection about Gwen and the choice she made regarding Sefa.**

As the great hall cleared out, except for Elyan, Leon and Gaius, Gwen allowed herself to slump back in her throne and exhale deeply. The men looked as though they were going to speak but Gwen held up a hand and they remained silent. She hadn't wanted to do that but there was no choice. Sixty knights including Gwaine and Percival who she loved like brothers were missing without trace and presumed dead. Dozens of her knights were wounded in the ambushed attempt to rescue them including Elyan and Leon who luckily managed to survive and now Arthur and Merlin were missing without trace and again presumed dead. Even though Gwen knew in her heart that the men were still alive; they had to be; it was the fear that this time their luck had run out as well as the realisation that once again they had a traitor hiding in Camelot which was causing her usually strong rationale and temperament to begin to crack and crumble, something which few people including Elyan and Arthur knew to mean that it was high time to stay on her good side or else run for the hills. Sefa however didn't know that.

Sefa. She had only started working for Gwen a few months ago after her other maidservant Eliza had fallen pregnant. Sweet, kind, shy and occasionally awkward, Gwen had to admit that she had seen herself in Sefa. She had also noticed the way she acted around Merlin, fumbling with what she was holding, stumbling over her words, blushing; the classic signs of someone developing a crush. Gwen liked the idea of Merlin finally having someone he could care about and who would care about him. He deserved it. Maybe that was why this was affecting her like this; both she and Merlin liked Sefa, this was going to be awful for Merlin to discover that Sefa almost got him killed.

But why? Had she changed so much over the past three years that her friend could not confide in her? Queen or not, she was still the same Gwen. If Sefa had simply said that she had gone to see her father in the first place, that was all she had to say. She didn't have to lie and despite the fact that her father was a sorcerer; Gwen could understand why Sefa did what she did in a way. Gwen thought back to the dark days prior to her father's death and how her mind had been in overload attempting to find a way of releasing her father; the one man on whom she was always able to rely upon, the one who had always loved and one everything he could for her and Elyan. Gwen could understand the reasoning behind Sefa's actions; she was trying to help her father. But what Sefa saw as helping her father was actually treachery against Camelot; aiding and abetting in the abduction and possible murder of her king.

Maybe she had overreacted. Then again she only had to think about past supposed friends who had turned around and betrayed them. Morgana. Agravaine. For three years they had lived in peace, there was the occasional griffin or quest to find something but nothing major like what they had been used to. They had grown content over the past few years, the walls of suspicion they had built began to slowly come back down as they learnt to trust both themselves and one another again. It had been hard but they had been able to manage it. Now this. Maybe they should never trust anyone except each other; no 'outsiders' as it were. Once again Gwen found herself realising that the only people she did trust anymore were Arthur, Elyan, Merlin, Gaius, Leon, Gwaine and Percival. That was why she had tried to befriend Sefa; it had been good to have a female friend again. Gwen had always preferred to be friends with boys; it was more fun to play swordfights and climb trees than play princess and house and as a young adult, was never really able to befriend other girls aside from Morgana. There were some ladies of the court whom she quite liked and she could tell just who was pretending to stay on her good side. Gwen was no fool; she knew that hardly any of the ladies of the court, even now, were pleased at the concept of a commoner queen. She knew that both she and her lack of heir were common topics of gossip however she noted that none of them were exactly willing to say it to her face. The men however knew of the real troubles concerning her pregnancies or lack of; they had been there the first time it had happened; she had been thrown from her horse and begun to bleed. None of them had even known she was pregnant until it was too late. It had happened a few more times. Each time they had agreed to wait until the third month to inform people and each time, the same thing happened. Nobody else knew because she couldn't confide in anyone. She didn't trust them.

There was that word again, trust. As Gwen reflected on the sight of a scared and upset Sefa kneeling on the floor, surrounded by guards and knights to witness her shame, it had caused another painful memory and comparison to Gwen's mind. Lancelot's return. Three years ago it had been her who had been accused of treachery and treason against the crown. It had undoubtedly been one of the worst experiences of her life but in hindsight, she now saw her exile as a blessing in disguise. Gwen had always been the one who was too nice, too trusting and always tried to see things in the most positive aspect. Being exiled had allowed her to become stronger, self-sufficient and learn the truths about the world as what they really were. She grew both in mind and heart during those months she was away from her home and the people she loved. In a way, Gwen now believed that she needed that push to do so. Of course she would have preferred never being exiled at all and she especially did not want a repeat of what caused her exile, nevertheless, despite this maturity and emotional strength; she was still the same person.

Elyan, Gaius and Leon shared a few glances as Gwen sat in silence lost in thought. Suffice to say, none of them had seen that coming. Sefa had seemed like a nice girl and they liked her. Elyan and Leon along with the others had been making wisecracks and jokes about Merlin's obvious affections towards the girl. Once again, someone had betrayed them. Gaius allowed Gwen her dues, Arthur and Merlin were missing as were sixty of the knights. None of them wanted to consider the worst but sometimes they had to. The bottom line was, Sefa committed an act of treachery against the crown, she mightn't have meant to but she did so anyway.

The silence stretched out painfully until at last, Gwen sat up straight and broke the silence.

"Bring her to me."

Elyan and Leon nodded and swiftly left the room, neither of them spoke as they made their way down to the cells. What had transpired in the throne room had shocked them both. They both had known Gwen all their lives and knew what she was like in a bad mood but they hadn't expected that. Besides she was their queen and her orders had to be obeyed even if they weren't sure they agreed with them. Both of them made a mental note not to do anything that would annoy her.

Sefa sat in a cell hugging her knees and crying. She had just been trying to help her father. Sefa hated the fact he was allying himself with Morgana, the woman was mad, dangerous and wicked and Sefa had liked life in Camelot. It had been a new start, she had managed to make some friends and then there was Merlin and the queen herself. She hadn't meant to betray them but her father had warned her that if Morgana's attempts to find what she was searching for were ruined, their lives would be in danger. She hadn't meant to do what she did but it was to ensure her father's safety rather than her own. What importance did her actions have, she was a dead woman either way. Of course she felt guilt for the men who she had sent to their deaths but it would all have been for the greater good. Wouldn't it?

Sefa's thoughts were disrupted as the cell door opened and Sir Elyan and Sir Leon appeared. No. it couldn't be time already. Impossible. Sefa began to cry and shake as they stepped into the cell and each took one arm. No. she was wrong. She didn't want to die. She didn't want to die. Tears ran down her face as she thought about her father and what she had done. She was wrong, she felt guilty for every last consequence of her actions. If she could go back and change it she would. She was so scared. However Sefa realised what direction they were heading in, they weren't heading for the courtyard but rather they were returning to the throne room. Hope began to flare in Sefa's chest. Had something happened? Had the king managed to get word back to Camelot, claiming he was alive and well? Was she about to be released? As the knights opened the throne room door, she saw the queen was sitting in the same position she had been when Sefa was dragged out and down to the cells. Sefa knelt on the floor and stared at her hands.

"Sefa, look at me." Gwen instructed, it wasn't as harsh a tone as she had used earlier but Sefa still knew to obey as she nervously raised her head.

"Your majesty I-" Sefa began but Gwen raised a hand and she stopped.

"I believed we were friends Sefa, you should not have felt like you had to lie to me about where you were going. Had you said you were meeting your father, I would have left it at that. I can also understand your reasoning behind what you had done; I lost my father some years ago. Fathers do so much for their children and when they need us, we do whatever we can to help them. Yet the fact remains that you committed treason. Your decision to inform your father of King Arthur and the knights' whereabouts and their plans to rescue their friends, comrades and brothers and its implications would have been exactly the same had you told Morgana yourself. These missing men are all people who I greatly care about and especially since I considered you a friend, this is a matter which has hit me very close to my heart. Therefore you have still committed a great crime against myself, my husband and Camelot. I have come to a decision. You shall not be executed," Gwen explained in a severe tone, maintaining eye contact all the time with Sefa who's face crumpled with relief.

"Oh thank you my lady, thank you! I'm so sorry," Sefa exclaimed, almost crying with relief.

"I have not finished," Gwen said over Sefa's repeated thanks and apologises. Sefa immediately fell silent. "You shall not be executed however you shall be exiled from Camelot with immediate effect and to return will be on penalty of death. You will have until sunset to gather your belongings and leave, after which time if you are seen in Camelot you will be executed for both your treason and breaking the terms of your banishment. Do you understand?"

"I understand your highness, thank you." Sefa replied as Leon led her to the door and instructed the guards on what had transpired before the guards led her away. Her father was not going to be happy but she was alive, that was the main thing. Her mother had been killed by Uther Pendragon and she knew that deep down, the knowledge that she was not killed by his daughter-in-law would be a comfort to her father.

As Leon shut the doors, Gaius looked at Gwen. "That was a very merciful thing you did Gwen." Gaius stated, he hadn't expected the servant to be their traitor but he supposed that once again, they would have to suspect everyone around them.

"I only hope I will not regret this." Gwen replied; she had spared Sefa but at what cost? What other valuable information did Sefa know? Gwen rubbed her forehead as she felt the strains of an incoming headache as she debated whether being merciful had been a good thing. Morally she knew it was but in reality, that may or may not be a whole other story. It was her duty as queen to protect the lives and best interests of her people and the repercussions of this would be an unfavourable yet inevitable test of her ability to be queen. Therefore whatever happened next would happen and when it did, she would be ready for it.


End file.
